Joel
by JennyK
Summary: Joel after fourteen years returns to Cicely finds Maggie with three sons but is the youngest his own son? sorry just newly found this show had to write something & Chris is dead sorry! major angst & further twist will it all work out this time round?
1. Chapter 1

Northern Exposure

**Joel**

Chapter 1

"_Joel"_

I hear the delicate tone the sound of my name ringing in the way it always does from her lips. As I smile despite myself and that in the years since I've last seen her. She has hardly aged a bit as I continue to look at her.

Loosing myself there aware that her husband someone I once knew very well died five years ago. As I think on our other last conversation - one not a million miles from this current one either with it being something ten years past - that she had arrived at my own door in New York, staying for three days and three nights and disappearing as quickly as she had come to begin with.

As I am now jolted hard back to reality:

"You came for the job right? I mean it's the only thing which could bring you back to Cicely Fleischman?"

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. The Moment

Northern Exposure

**Joel**

Chapter 2

The Moment

As I am now jolted hard back to reality:

"You came for the job right? I mean it's the only thing which could bring you back to Cicely Fleischman?"

The tone striking me and the fact I have no clue what she is talking about as I'm filled in anyway:

"Ed told you right that Cicely's last doctor is now deceased?"

This causing further confusion and puzzlement to show on my features as I butt in less than delicately:

"What makes you think a dead doctor now of all times would bring me back here?"

My usual diplomacy and tact getting me nowhere as I am hit hard on the face for that one comment and the underlying fact I seem to have forgotten. How unforgiving, accurate with her fists and passionate this woman is.

With her thankfully not breaking my nose this time round as I reply with difficulty:

"What was that for O'Connell?"

"You being you Fleischman and furthermore nobody calls me O'Connell anymore Joel."

The freezing cold Alaskan afternoon penetrating me further as I stand at this door way aware too it's only the second time so far. In the space of this vast conversation she's actually used my first name and at least where she hit has warmed up a little as I finely take things into my own hands:

"I came to see you Maggie and by the way I'm divorced, childless and ditched by my New York practise so beat that O'Connell."

As I now barge in past her, pushing her clear out the road as I do so. Coming into the wide spacious living area, as I look around me aware its home to more than Maggie feeling the heat from the log fire first, the family photos I can see from here too that my eyes are scanning way too painfully.

Along with the rich wooden carving that can only be Chris's along with them as I take of my hat bowing my head as I do so running my hand through my still thick dark hair that is beginning to gray as Maggie replies on form:

"Why is everything still about you Fleischman and your well aware Chris passed not long after Ruth-Anne did so are we even yet?"

The statement taking me a little by surprise and it's not in the spirit I've come to expect from her as I shrug looking to the photos changing the subject and the dynamic dramatically:

"Your two son's look well Maggie."

With her gaze folding like mines to the photos and that she is no longer looking me direct in the eye with another comment which throws me completely:

"It's actually three now Joel and did Ed not tell you that either?"

This causing me to take a long harder look at the photos and the fact Ed for some reason did not tell me of this either a fact that seems unusual even though I've not seem him in years. With him having plenty of time to tell me, on the way here as my earlier anger now vanishes.

My dark eyes focusing only on the pictures before me as I study the picture of the boy who I take to be her youngest as I find something to say:

"He looks like you Maggie."

As I instinctively lift the photo scanning the other one's while at it noting the happy pictures of Chris with his son's as O'Connell answers softly breaking the distance between us:

"Everyone thinks he looks like his father really."

With the tone causing my heart to miss a beat as I angle the photo trying to see it:

"No I don't see Chris Maggie."

My words entirely wrong as I see the tears in Maggie's eyes putting down the photo as I gently touch her shoulder. My hand resting there longer than it should as I try to explain:

"I did not mean it that way O'Connell."

With my nervousness and what had come out as mumble of a reply. Again backfiring on me as the hand on her shoulder is shrugged of casually her eyes meeting mines fire in them this time:

"Sure you did and what really brought you back here Joel?"

As my dark eyes draw magnetically towards hers feeling my heart once more miss a beat and she's side tracking me for some reason one I'm not about to fall into:

"Cicely is really looking for a new doctor then and I've already told you why I've come back."

The answer short to the point but also the truth as I step back into close proximity noting the smart, casual dark red top that reveals enough. As I draw a sharp breath knowing she is the mother of three boys who have no father.

As I close my eyes before slowly opening them to make sure she is still there in front of me her delicate features. Now showing a de-mused smile to my own antics as I stifle a grin one she catches anyway:

"So you've quite talking have you?"

This turning my features into a full smile as I reach out taking her hand:

"I'm sorry about Chris Maggie and I know you loved each other deeply."

With it rightfully not hitting the mark as I am backstabbed for it the hand quickly letting go of mines:

"What the hell is, that supposed to mean and you are outstaying your welcome Fleischman."

This causing my head to turn around sharply and we're still way to close as I pull her tight to me our gaze meeting as her touch comes to mines. Sending a cascade of yearning through me as I reply:

"O'Connell you are sidetracking me for a reason and I want to know why. Plus motherhood suits you actually."

As we continue to look at each other as I lean in to kiss her, with it not happening Maggie pulling out of the embrace quickly as I go to speak. Her finger touching my lips before I even do so my inner puzzlement growing as the love I have always felt for her.

Finds new depths as she pulls a smile her finger gently leaving my lips as she gives me a direct look:

"You were wrong about something you said earlier Joel."

Her gaze drifting back to the photos as I become aware she wants me to do the same my eye looking at what I've already seen. With it slowly dawning on me that her youngest looks a little different from her other two boys or maybe it is just me. With the thought hanging there the dots beginning to line up as O'Connell adds to it:

"_Joel_ is just over nine years old Fleischman."

As I draw back from her finding the nearest available seat as I look to her and then back to the photos still not believing her as she comes close. Her hand gently tracing the stubble of my jaw line as my hand reaches for hers the words hardly penetrating me:

"You were there you know ten years ago if I recall Joel."

The hand in mines giving a gentle squeeze as I respond tightening my grip of that smaller hand as I remain silent not looking her in the eye. As she forces me to look up my gaze getting lost in hers sensing the moment coming again the distance between us melting to nothing.

As our lips meet tenderly for a second the touch alone, re-awakening every atom of my body and soul, as I draw her closer to me getting lost in the moment as I without warning part from her our eyes meeting for a split second. Love shining there too as a sound in the room causes us both to jump.

With us no longer being alone the figure having been there for long enough and it is none other than Ed as he voices it:

"Glad you finely told him Maggie as not telling him was getting kind of difficult especially for a store keeper."

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Delicate Decision

**Joel**

**Chp3**

**Delicate Decision**

With us no longer being alone the figure having been there for long enough and it is none other than Ed as he voices it:

"Glad you finely told him Maggie as not telling him was getting kind of difficult especially for a store keeper."

This causing a comical three ways glance Ed remaining where he is, Joel remaining completely silent too. The fragile emotions showing clearly on the handsome set features to the news I have just hit him a few moment before and the fact. He is not about to start talking anytime soon as I give our local storekeeper a meaningful glance:

"We are not finished talking alone Ed."

As Ed momentarily takes a step back before hesitating adding what can only be at the back of Cicely's once doctor's mind:

"Chris, Ruth-Anne and myself all wanted to tell you ten years ago Joel but there was a town meeting and Maggie can explain why."

This causing only a half-hearted shrug from Fleischman whose gaze has temporarily shifted to Ed before coming back my way. Anger flashing in the look for a moment before the gaze drops the head bowing with Ed's words not helping matters.

As the silence between us maintains Ed having got the hint leaving us alone again, Fleischman still remaining uncharacteristically quite as I duck down trying to attract his attention. Aware that I have the mountain the size of Everest to climb as I touch the wedding band of Chris's on my own hand.

Thinking about my late husband as I choose my next words carefully reaching out for the gentle strong hand of his as I do so:

"Not telling you was harder actually. Chris was right all along Fleischman and you have every right to be livid Joel."

With this at least having an effect on him the hand releasing from mines the tone unrecognisable:

"You really have a way of putting things Maggie and did you not think I had the right to know about my own son O'Connell."

_As Maggie now_ flinches hard my tone way to harsh as my stance remains direct the words continuing at the same pace:

"Come on O'Connell is that the best you can come up with that it was harder keeping it from me and this is so Cicely when it comes to it."

With it being the wrong thing to say even as I finish with the slap to the jaw coming as no surprise this time as our eyes at last meet Maggie reading my thoughts precisely:

"God you don't change Joel and you're missing the point partner."

This causing my gaze to flicker her way a brief grin manifesting itself as Maggie shoots a look:

"Have you calmed down enough to at least let me try and explain?"

_The handsome set features _becoming less tense Joel's dark eyes giving me a penetrating look as I now get a stifled nod of a reply. The words coming thick and fast as old memories flood to Chris the man I love completely to this day and to those first early years of marriage. The coming of his two son's Chris Junior and Daniel, the intertwining, love and growth of our little family.

As my eyes close remembering painfully the not so good times and the major fall out after Daniel's second birthday. What had sent me back Joel's way ten years ago as I cut solely to that time, those three days spent blissfully in New York and it to had not lasted.

That I had literally left Fleischman hanging running back, here to the life and husband who was mines and our children. My eyes opening to the making up, the tenderness of Chris upon my return and the fact I had cheated on him, with the only other man I ever truly loved.

The one who is furthermore watching me tenderly now his gaze warm and still relatively confused as I hit him with another awkward comment:

"It was hard Chris knew the baby coming was not his but he understood as well how much you meant to me even though I had cheated on him Fleischman."

As my gaze now quickly diverts past Joel to the photos seeing Chris as he was in the prime of life and happy, with the boys who he counted as all being his as Joel comes to a diverse conclusion:

"He went with your decision even though his youngest was not his by blood."

Fleischman kicking me another look with that statement as I blush under that steady gaze following him up with the truth:

"The day of the meeting the overriding vote was that someday sooner or later you would return of your own free will Joel."

With our gaze meeting completely for a second O'Connell eyes flashing in pain as I quickly deflect the look replying with pro-forma she has come to expect from me:

"Real nice Maggie."

The tone biting viciously across to her and that I am deliberately trying to hurt her with it working a little to well. Her gaze flashing with new pain and anguish as her next statement causes me to flinch:

"Try bringing three young boys up alone Fleischman and though you've always denied it.

Cicely is where you've always belonged Joel."

Maggie's back now to me her delicate features withheld from me as I stutter what is in my heart knowing she has me cornered hard to a truth I have run away from for far to long:

"Can I see you and all your thee boys if I stayed a little longer?

Plus if there is a job in the offering I have you, a whole town and Maurice to convince to have me back is that not right?"

With the words at least hitting the point Maggie still keeping me at a distance as she turns giving me that grin that tugs every inch of my heart and her next words are not for me either:

"You can come back in Ed and bring those three eves-droppers in with you there is someone here they ought to meet before any else does."

TO BE CONTINUED


	4. New Responsibility

Joel

CHAPTER FOUR

New Responsibility

"Can I see you and all your thee boys if I stayed a little longer?

Plus if there is a job in the offering I have you, a whole town and Maurice to convince to have me back is that not right?"

With the words at least hitting the point Maggie still keeping me at a distance as she turns giving me that grin that tugs every inch of my heart and her next words are not for me either:

"You can come back in Ed and bring those three eves-droppers in with you there is someone here they ought to meet before any else does."

Maggie finding my gaze as she whispers something across to me and what I am already aware off that though this town knows and though his big brothers might. Maggie's youngest son has no idea I am his father.

As I swallow hard seeing the two older boys first. Teenagers in there own right as I wave quickly dropping my hand at the comical pose that has come over me. My features turning serious to the looks I am now receiving as Ed comes in last.

The youngest boy not looking my way that he is to busy filling Ed in on his day as Maggie now tries to ease my difficult situation. As the other two continue to give me a stern, uncertain glare with a hint of mischief to it as she draws all three of them to attention:

"Chris, Daniel, Joel this is an old friend of mines and your late father he is Doctor Fleischman and he shares the same first name as yours Joel."

With O'Connell getting over the hardest hurdle easily as the three boys continue to gaze at me as Maggie negotiates the youngest dark eyes at last finding mines. As I find a smile receiving the same one back for a moment as there mother continues at break neck speed:

"He's came all the way from New York boys and he knows Cicely as well as any of you for its why he's applying to the job Maurice has on offer."

This giving me a chance to utter something and causing the three boys to give me another funny glance:

"You could have simply told them I worked here before Maggie and how am I meant to know Cicely as well as them when I've been away from here so long O'Connell?"

The comment causing Ed to cover his eyes, Maggie giving me a warning as the oldest boy now speaks:

"Why do you need to convince everyone, including mum about you staying Doc? If you worked here before and dad also talked a lot about you Doctor Fleischman."

I shut my eyes feeling all my years and the Chris before me now. Has his father's knack on hitting on the truth as I find Maggie's eye and then that of youngest son. Before looking to the teenager who has spoken to me. Seeing his own father's striking features there too as I look to the middle son.

Aware being caught in the middle between two siblings is not an easy ride either as I glance now to the boy who is my own son. Who is patiently waiting to see what I've got to say for myself with the young Chris Stevens having made a pretty good observation as I try to delay the inevitable:

"The answer lies in your last words young man and I pretty much hated it here the first time round and as the three of you are asking.

It really is going to take a whole load of convincing to win this town and you're mum round to letting me stay period."

The words hanging with justified silence as another far younger voice replies:

"Chris does coming back here in the first place not prove something and mum could not have been that hard on you before Joel?"

This causing Maggie to look my way as I grin at the comment Chris junior verifying the look between O'Connell and myself as Daniel adds to it:

"Mum could not be anything else little brother and they've got a history Joel."

As I now flinch hard my grin disappearing as the boy turns to his brothers. My earlier mixed up emotions coming back to the surface as I look between the three boys, coming to rest on the ten year old last. The dark eyes penetrating my own as my gaze wavers my head bowing again as both Maggie and Ed rescue me swiftly.

Maggie kicking in first:

"I think all three of you have said enough and Doctor Fleischman is in need of a place to stay and a stiff drink at the Brick before we come to any sort of decision over anything.

Plus I want to talk to you three boys alone for now and Joel needs to recover from the trip here too. So before you open any more cans of worms we're going to let him go for now with Ed right guys?"

The authoritative voice of Maggie's bringing everyone to attention as Ed sneaks in a further comment trying to balance the situation with my own mixed up emotions:

"Don't be to hard on Joel here for your mother has a lot to thank him for."

Maggie's quizzical gaze like the boys all falling on mines as I cover my face with my hands my head bowing wishing Ed to stop as I groan way to loud a young anxious voice. Reaching across to me:

"Are you ok Doctor Fleischman?'

As I realize slowly it is my own son speaking to me as my head lifts Ed having stopped talking as my dark eyes shift to the boy before me. Managing a smile as I do so my glance shifting to Maggie as I speak:

"Maybe Joel just it take's a little getting used to this place you know."

With my words having a double meaning the boy not picking up on it though as the two other boy's give me a hard look. The words not my wisest by any account as Maggie gives me a get out of jail card:

"So nine am, sharp Fleischman."

Her words throwing me on an entirely different tangent as I fall under her glare Ed and her three boys no longer in the picture. With her tone mesmerizing me completely and I have no idea what she is talking about either:

"Come on Joel the powers that be have not changed any and Maurice will be after blood come morning so you had better be prepared. For these three boys here might be a whole lot easier in comparison."

With three comical smiles gaining a quick reply in unison:

"Gee thanks mum and we could take Joel down easy."

This causing me to now back step away from them quickly towards the door my voice finely returning to normality:

"Yeah definitely your son's Maggie and business can wait till morning right?"

Maggie giving me that smile as my glance falls to the three boys seeing their close resemblance to their mother at this moment. Ed opening the door for me as I find something to at last say to them:

"I guess it is you guys who take such good care of her and keep her on the straight and narrow for she used to be a right party animal your mother."

This causing a major result on all levels Maggie turning a deep shade of red along with a look that could kill, with three mystified gazes, not believing a word I just said either as Ed leaps in:

"Definitely not lost your touch Doctor Fleischman and this might be a good time to leave as any."

As I turn back to Maggie:

"I'll be seeing you then."

Her reply typically on form as our eyes meet awkwardly:

"Maurice will come round like everyone else but you have a lot more than that to prove Joel."

Our gaze lingering longer than it should as I nod in answer giving the three boys who stand watching us a wave the youngest gaze the most serious of the three. Ed now shoving me out the door into the freezing Alaska air as the door bangs shut behind us Ed filling me in again:

"I think that went well Doctor Fleischman."

As I continue to look at the shut door sensing responsibility towards everything in a new way and it is huge. My head slowly turning from the shut door glimpsing the falling snowflakes, the trees and mountains that can be seen from here and the twinkling lights of Cicely itself my gaze hanging there now.

Raw emotion pulsing through me as I grip fear of the unknown and of what has just happened in there as a feeling I have not had in a long time returns with it. As I remember with a jolt my first night in Cicely long ago as I mutter incoherently under my own breath my dark eyes returning to the warmth of light spreading from Maggie's home with Ed speaking again:

"Are you coming Doctor Fleischman the Brick is going to be shut soon at this rate."

Giving Ed a brief smile at this comment the Brick being about the only thing I've to look forward to at this moment as I snatch that lingering memory of Maggie earlier and what I cannot deny that the depths of my soul belong only to her.

In ways that even now I don't fully understand as my eyes lift to the stunning scenery, those epic mountains and whether I like or not that Maggie is right. Cicely being my one true home even if it kills me first…

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
